


we love each other anyway

by barbatoslatte



Category: Samurai Warriors (Video Games), Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors, Warriors Orochi
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Forbidden Love, M/M, Rare Pairings, i don't even ship this? i still wanted try my hand at it tho, update: i turned myself into a shipper of this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27325171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbatoslatte/pseuds/barbatoslatte
Summary: Sima Zhao was supposed to marry Wang Yuanji. And he would have. She was the perfect wife: pretty, well-educated, and ladylike. He knew his mother and father liked her very much, and even Shi seemed a little jealous that he wasn't the one to have her.Zhao would have married her, and would have been fine with that, if not for the one thing that happened that changed everything.
Relationships: Sima Zhao/Takenaka Hanbei
Comments: 10
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i hope when this is published it SAVES my WORK and doesnt cut my shit in the middle of the sentence like last time >:((

Sima Zhao was supposed to marry Wang Yuanji. And he would have. She was the perfect wife: pretty, well-educated, and ladylike. He knew his mother and father liked her very much, and even Shi seemed a little jealous that he wasn't the one to have her. 

Zhao would have married her, and would have been fine with that, if not for the one thing that happened that changed everything.

***

There were these people from another strange land that they called _Nihon_. They spoke a different language, yet Zhao could still understand them, and they could understand him. In this new place, Zhao was called _Shō,_ and his homeland was called _Chūgoku._

One of these people was a young man named Hanbei. He truly looked young, like a little boy, but Zhao quickly learned that the two of them were really both around the age of 20 years old. He was energetic, yet lazy, too, just like Zhao, and he seemed to make friends wherever he went. Hanbei even apparently had a friend named Kanbei, who was like his own Jia Chong. 

Zhao and Hanbei were now friends. Only friends. Nothing more. 

***

"Hanbei is very adorable," Yuanji said one afternoon, sipping her cup of tea. The two of them were sitting a good distance away from Hanbei, who was laying against a tree, taking a nap. 

"Mm," murmured Zhao.

Was Hanbei cute? Undoubtedly, yes. But he was also beautiful. Not like Yuanji, who was beautiful because of her lovely hair, womanly clothes, or smooth skin. Hanbei was beautiful whenever he woke up from a deep sleep, his hair all messy and his eyes half-closed. Hanbei was beautiful whenever he greeted Zhao after a long, hard battle, with dirt on his face and clothes. Hanbei was beautiful when he ate a food he liked and his eyes lit up like stars. 

Basically, he was beautiful in areas that Yuanji was considered "ugly." 

_All men think like that about their friends,_ Zhao told himself. _Men think differently about their friends than they do their wives._

They do. But not usually in the way Zhao thought. 

***

"You're spending an awful lot of time with that little boy lately," Mother said sternly to Zhao. "It's like you've lost interest in everything else, even your family." 

"He's not a little boy. He's my age," Zhao argued. "And he's educating me, too. Hanbei reads the _Kojiki_ to me, and the _Nihon Shoki._ They're books from his land." 

"You should be reading the _Analects_ and the _Spring and Autumn Annals_ ," Mother scolded. "Not his books. You're to be the ruler of our land, not his." 

"But Mother, I--" 

"Sit here, Zhao, and I will find Yuanji. She will read you some sensible texts instead." 

She left the tent, and as soon as he heard her footsteps fade away, Zhao clambered out of the tent. His heart was racing as he ran towards the tree he and Hanbei met at each day. Hanbei was there, holding a book in his arms. 

"Shō!" Hanbei called excitedly. "I was waiting for you. I brought the _Kojiki_ with me today!" 

"Sorry I'm late. Mother was nagging me about things," Zhao said, deciding not to talk about the parts where she had ragged on Hanbei and his people's books.

"Ah, of course. About your laziness, I bet. Don't worry, I get it. Everyone around me nags me too." Hanbei opened up the book to where they last had left off, and started reading. " _The delighted Deity loudly called her name. 'Why! There is some one calling me,' sighed Izanami-no-Mikoto, and raising her beautiful head, she looked around her. What was her amazement but to see her beloved husband standing by the gate and gazing at her intently!_ " 

Zhao let the words wash over him, like they were music. To him, it _was_ music, hearing Hanbei's voice calmly reading to him.

He thought about what it would be like to have Yuanji reading to him instead. Yes, her voice was soothing to the ears, but hers was like if someone was playing only one string of a harp over and over. Hanbei's voice was like if someone was playing a lovely song. His _favorite_ song. 

"You have a nice voice," he blurted, and he felt his face flush when Hanbei looked at him disapprovingly. "Sorry for interrupting. I just... yeah." 

"Aw, it's okay." Hanbei smiled a little. "I like reading to you, so I'm glad my voice is nice."

 _His smile is nice, too,_ thought Zhao. 

***

It was the feeling of pure horror that swept over him a few weeks later that really made Zhao understand. 

He loved Hanbei. 

He loved Hanbei in the way he was supposed to love Yuanji. 

Sometimes he wanted to kiss him, just like he did Yuanji. 

Zhao knew nothing was inherently wrong with loving another man. He know some people thought it was wrong. He didn't. But he knew it was wrong for him to love _Hanbei_. He wasn't supposed to. He had to love Yuanji, to marry Yuanji. 

Why didn't he want to?

He knew why he didn't want to. But he couldn't admit it. 

***

"Something wrong, Shō?" Hanbei asked, concern seeping into his voice. 

"Huh? No, nothing is wrong." 

"Really? You have been spacing out a lot. I know I'm reading to you, but you're not usually like this."

Zhao was silent. He knew why he was spacing out around Hanbei. He was trying to clear his head of any images of them being romantically involved at all. He didn't want to avoid Hanbei altogether, but their daily meetups were only making everything worse. Last night he had had a horrible dream where they had kissed and he had _liked_ it. 

"You're not okay," Hanbei said. "I can tell. Do you want me to stop reading?" 

"I have a really big problem," Zhao said in a rush. 

"Oh. That's all? I'll gladly help you." 

Zhao wanted to say no, but Hanbei just looked at him so kindly, with such understanding, that he knew he would feel terribly guilty if he refused. He had to just say it and not look back. 

"My soon-to-be-wife. I don't love her. I love someone else, and it's ruining my life." 

"Who is it?" 

Zhao took a deep breath and replied, "It's you." 

"Ah."

The silence was so uncomfortable. Zhao, looking at the ground, could tell Hanbei was looking at him, and it made him want to crawl into a hole and die there. 

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why this is happening. But last night I dreamt that we-- we kissed and I _liked_ it. I liked it a lot. But I can't tell anyone but you because everyone else in Jin will kill me if I say that I don't love Yuanji. I'm such a coward but I can't do it. I'm too scared." 

"You're not a coward," Hanbei said quietly. "You're really brave. And you don't have to be scared." 

"But--" 

Hanbei tilted Zhao's head up to look ar him, and Zhao found that the two of them were closer than they had ever been before. 

"Is this okay?" Hanbei asked.

Everything in Zhao's head was screaming _NO. NO. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOVE HIM, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE YUANJI. DON'T DO IT._

"This is okay." 

Then Hanbei leaned in and kissed him, and it was like nothing Zhao had experienced before. Hanbei was gentle, and he tasted like candy, his kiss soft and sweet. Zhao felt a hand cup his cheek, and where the hand touched felt like fire licking across his skin.

He wanted this to last forever. 

Eventually, though, they had to break the kiss, and they both sat there, taking in what had just happened. 

"So? Did you like it?" Hanbei's cheerful voice, albeit a little breathier, broke the silence. 

Zhao laughed a bit. "Yeah. Yeah, I did," he said truthfully. He had felt like he was in heaven, and the feeling hadn't changed. 

Hanbei smiled at him. Then he stared at his feet. "I've wanted to do that for a while," he replied softly. "I just didn't think..." 

"...That I felt the same way?" Zhao finished for him. Hanbei nodded. "Well, neither of us have to worry about that anymore. I think we're both happy with the answer we have." 

Hanbei yawned, but nodded. He moved a little closer to Zhao and leaned against his chest. Soon there was a soft snoring sound.

Zhao sighed and leaned back, content. This afternoon had gone better than any afternoon in his life. 

***

"You love him?" 

"I do." 

Yuanji was silent for a few moments, and Zhao felt like he was going to suffocate. Then she said, "If you are happier with him, I have nothing to say. You should be with him instead." 

"Wh-- Yuanji, I'm equally happy with both of you. Don't take it per--"

"I'm not taking it personally, my lord. As your would-be-wife, I should have your best interests at heart. Hanbei is one of those things. You should spend your time happily with him, instead of being without him and with me." 

Zhao sighed. He agreed with her, he really did, but... "What will Mother say? Or Father? They'll never let me be with him." 

"You will have to tell them eventually, my lord. We cannot pretend forever." 

***

_Dear Hanbei,_

_I didn't want to write this letter. I really didn't. But Mother and Father are making Shi watch me write it, so I have to._

_I am forbidden from seeing you again. Mother and Father think you are not a relationship worth taking to the next level. They think you are unworthy of marrying into the Sima clan because you are from a different land than us. I have to marry Yuanji._ _It is unfair, and I wish it weren't this way. If I could, I'd stay with you, and follow you to your land, and learn your language. I'd marry you instead, because I love you._

_Please don't think i hate you, because I don't. My parents are forcing me to do this. I hate that they have power over me, even as an adult, but they do and it's not fair._

_I'm so sorry._

_Your love,_

_Zhao_

***

_Dear Zhao,_

_I waited at the tree for hours until Kanbei gave me your letter, knowing I was waiting for you. When I read it, I wanted to cry. I didn't want to believe what you wrote was true._

_I don't hate you, or even your parents. You're doing this because you're forced to. They're doing what they think is right, even though they're wrong. What I hate is that fate brought us together and then tore us apart like this. I agree, it isn't fair._

_Kanbei told me that tomorrow we are going to find and defeat Odin. That means we will only be in this world for another day. I want to see you again before we separate. I am sure your parents will make sure we don't meet on the battlefield together, so will you be able to meet by our tree tonight?_

_You don't have to answer. I will wait by the tree. If you can get away, I'll be there._

_Your love,_

_Hanbei_

***

In the end, Zhao had to bribe his brother with meatbuns in order to not tell on him for sneaking out of their shared tent the next night. He had to get to the tree. He had to see Hanbei one last time. 

He was there, sitting on a tree branch, but when he saw Zhao, he jumped down onto the ground. 

"Shō," he said, and his voice wobbled a little. "You came." 

"I did," Zhao said softly. Hanbei sniffled. 

"It's not fair," he mumbled. "I don't want to leave you forever."

"I don't either," Zhao agreed, and to his silent horror, he realized he was crying. He tried to wipe his tears away, but they just kept coming, so he let them fall. "I'm really sorry." 

"Not your fault." 

Hanbei leaned against him, and Zhao soon pulled him into a hug.

They stayed like that for a long time. 

***

Gaia was sending everyone home. 

The crowd was large, but Zhao kept searching. He saw more people dissolve into yellow light and panicked, but kept searching. He had to find Hanbei before this was all over. Just one last time. 

"Shō!" 

"Hanbei!" 

Hanbei suddenly appeared next to him, and they both grabbed one another's hands tightly. 

"Promise you won't forget me?" Zhao asked. 

"I couldn't," Hanbei said, smiling, though the smile was a little sad. 

They felt the slight tug of the yellow lights, and Zhao felt darkness suddenly envelop his vision. He thought he heard Hanbei calling out a goodbye, but he couldn't tell...

***

When Zhao woke up, he was in a strange place. 

At first, he thought it was his room, and it had just been changed while he was away. But no, this definitely wasn't his room. Or any other room in his home, for that matter. This place had a straw floor and a small flat bed in the corner of the room. The sliding wall opened slightly to reveal a hallway on the other side. There was a pale yellow hat sitting on a small wooden table, and next to it a pile of books, two of which were the _Kojiki_ and the _Nihon Shoji_. 

Wait. 

The _Kojiki_ and _Nihon Shoji_? 

Zhao stood up from where he had been laying on the floor. He grabbed one of the books and looked at it. It looked just like Hanbei's book. 

"Hanbei?" he called out. He stuck his head out into the hall. "Hanbei?" 

"Huh?" came a familiar voice from the end of the hall, and Zhao dropped the book on his foot. He ran down the hall to where he heard the voice, not daring to believe his ears. 

Sure enough, Hanbei was laying on the floor of the hallway, curled up and looking like he was half-awake, half asleep. 

"Hanbei, it's me, I got taken to your land! With you!" 

Hanbei shook his head as if to clear it, then looked at Zhao for a good ten seconds. 

"Shō...?" 

He scrambled to his feet and suddenly cupped Zhao's face in his hands, as if feeling to make sure he was real. Hanbei then laughed a relieved sort of laugh. He smiled, and his smile could have lit up the entire world. 

"Shō, it's really you, isn't it? It's you!"

"Yeah, it's me!" Zhao picked him up and spun him around. He couldn't believe this was real. This had to be a dream. 

"Shō, if this is a dream, this is the best dream I've ever had," Hanbei said happily. "You're here, you're really here!" 

"You read my mind," Zhao teased, and he let himself be kissed by Hanbei once again. He couldn't imagine a life more perfect than this. He had everything he wanted. 

Because Hanbei was his everything. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right after i give you fluff i have to throw a small angsty extra at you it's just what i do:)

*** 1 week later** *****

The sound of violent coughing awoke Sima Zhao in the middle of the night. 

At first, he convinced himself that it was Guo Huai, perhaps entering his home for a meeting with his father. He expected to hear footsteps and the coughing to soon fade away into the distance. The coughs did not fade, though, and they didn't seem to be ending. In fact, the seemed to be getting worse. 

Then he remembered that he was not in his home anymore, and he sat up. The coughing sounded really close by, like it was in the next room, and the only person in the next room was Hanbei. 

_Why is he coughing? What's wrong?_

He stood up quickly and hurried out of his room, sliding Hanbei's door open with a loud bang. He hoped it was just a mild cough, a cold, maybe, or something like that. Zhao wasn't one to usually pray, either, but he prayed to whatever divine being was up there that Hanbei would be alright. 

"Shō, you came in? I didn't mean to wake you up..." Hanbei said, his voice a little hoarse. He stretched a hand out towards Zhao, who held it in his own. 

"Hanbei, what's wrong? Are you okay?" 

Hanbei shook his head a little. "I've always been a sickly person," he replied. "It's just a little worse tonight. I'll be okay." 

Zhao looked at him closely, his gut filled with worry. Hanbei did not look okay. He was sickly pale and looked so skinny and fragile that Zhao was afraid to let go of his hand lest he break it on accident. Hanbei's eyes were glassy and clouded, too. 

"You look terrible," Zhao murmured, and Hanbei laughed. 

"It was like this even before I met you. Don't worry about me. Go get some rest." 

"I'm not leaving you. Not when you look like you're on the verge of death." 

Hanbei pouted a little. "Do I look that bad?" 

"Yes," Zhao said. 

"Damn. Being sick does wonders for your appearance, huh. Yet Kanbei looks bad and is perfectly healthy." He yawned, then coughed a bit more. "If you're that worried, Shō, you can sleep here with me tonight." 

Zhao didn't argue, even though he had to sleep on the floor next to Hanbei's futon. He clutched Hanbei's hand tightly, like it was his own lifeline. He hoped Hanbei would be awake when he woke up. 

***

When Zhao awoke, Hanbei was not there. The sliding door was open, and a cool breeze was blowing in, so a door at the end of the hallway had opened to the outside. 

At first, Zhao was excited. Hanbei was okay after all. He had gone outside, hadn't he? 

"Hanbei, I'm--" 

He stopped when he saw Kanbei outside, looking at the horizon. He was holding something in his arms. Something fairly large. 

"Kanbei? What are you doing out here?" 

Kanbei looked back at him, and Zhao couldn't tell if he was imagining it or not, but Kanbei looked sad. 

"Kanbei?" 

Zhao stepped closer to him, to see what was in his arms, and stiffened at the sight. It was Hanbei.

But it wasn't Hanbei. Hanbei looked smaller now, and even paler, and somehow fake. Like this was some kind of statue. A sleeping statue. 

"What... What happened?" 

"He didn't want to tell you he was dying. This morning, he crawled out of the room to find me so I could let him see the sunrise one last time." Kanbei swallowed. "He died minutes before you woke up." 

Zhao looked at him in horror. Hanbei _was_ dying, just like he had feared. 

"He's... he's really dead?" 

Kanbei nodded solemnly. 

"If I had known, I would have... I would have said something. I would have told him everything I wanted to say. I would have told him I loved him! Why didn't he tell me?!" 

"He knew you would worry. He told me to tell you that he loved you, and that he's watching over you forever." Kanbei looked down at the body he held. "He only talked about you in the end. He cared so much." 

"It was stupid of him to care. It was stupid of _me_ to care. I shouldn't have gone here with him. I shouldn't have met him. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him! I wasn't supposed to, I _knew_ I wasn't supposed to, and I get this!" 

He pushed Kanbei out of the way and ran back into the house. His vision was suddenly blurry. He felt tears start to fall, and he wiped at his eyes angrily. This was stupid. This whole thing was stupid. Hanbei was stupid. He left him. The whole point of this was that they would stay together. Why had they come apart now?

"You were my everything," Zhao sobbed. "Why did you leave me?"

***

Hanbei was buried underneath the largest tree, the tree that faced the sunrise and was the first to greet it in the morning. He was buried with all of his important things: his books, his hat, and a new letter from Zhao, the ink still fresh. 

_Hanbei,_

_You were my happiest memory, and my saddest one. I got to meet you, but I never got to say goodbye. Why didn't you tell me you were dying? I would have told you you how much I love you. Why didn't you let me?  
_

_You mean so much to me, I can't even describe it. Now you're gone, and I'll never be able to describe anything to you. I was going to teach you my language, too, like you were teaching me yours. I was going to show you how to make meatbuns like my mother was able to make them, always perfect, just like you. You would have loved them. You were always interested in what I had to say. Now, nobody is._

_You were my everything. But I guess everything has to leave eventually._

_Your love,_

_Sima Zhao_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this domestic fluffy chapter is an excuse for me to make them a family and have a daughter bc i want to >:(

The night was cold, the wind outside shrieking loudly with every gust it blew. The hallways were dark, the chōchin lamps unlit, and the footsteps on the hard floor seemed louder than ever. 

It was these footsteps that woke Hanbei, who was curled into Sima Zhao's chest to stay warm, from a sound sleep. He wondered vaguely why Zhao was walking around this time of night until he realized it _wasn't_ Zhao. 

He shook him awake, and asked, "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Zhao replied, not opening his eyes. 

"The footsteps." 

Hanbei went quiet as the footsteps continued, then stopped in front of their bedroom behind the _shōji_ \- the sliding door. Zhao huffed and just murmured, "It's only Youka, don't worry about it." 

As if on cue, the sound of a door sliding open filled Hanbei's ears, followed by a timid voice saying, "Father?" 

Both men sat up in bed and turned towards their daughter, who stood in the doorway, her hands fidgeting. Youka was young, only four or so, her dark hair cut as short as Hanbei's, her large eyes wide with fear. 

"Everything okay?" Zhao asked, now fully awake. 

Youka seemed unable to move or speak. She looked at both of them in turn as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Zhao patted the bed lightly and said, "Jump up here, and you can sit with us, okay?" 

The girl hesitated for only a moment before clambering onto the bed and into Zhao's arms, wrapping hers around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. 

"Did you have a nightmare?" Zhao asked softly as Youka started to cry into his shoulder. She nodded. "Don't worry. It's only a dream. You're safe here, with us." 

"But it was scary," Youka protested. "There was a loud monster and it was going to eat you and Father and me and--" 

"Youka, there aren't any monsters. And even if they were, the three of us could easily defeat it. Couldn't we, Hanbei?" 

"Of course!" Hanbei added, and Youka turned towards him, letting him reach out a hand to wipe her tears away. "The three of us are strongest together. Monsters are afraid of us." 

"Afraid?"

"Mhm. Besides, your father once defeated a large monster all by himself!" 

"He did?" Youka asked curiously. 

"I sure did," Zhao cut in. "Here, I'll tell you everything..."

Hanbei watched as Zhao told the story of how he defeated a cyclops, embellishing the tale for his little girl. He smiled at the two of them. He liked these kinds of nights, where it was just the three of them, Zhao being able to make them all laugh with his stories and his jokes, then sometimes singing Youka to sleep to ward away bad dreams. Then the two of them would take her back to her room and tuck her into bed. Sometimes she even stayed with them, holding one of their hands in hers, and they would all fall asleep together.

"Is that really what happened?" Youka's eyes were shining after just learning that Zhao had defeated the evil cyclops by heroically lifting it into the air and throwing it across the land. 

"Absolutely!" Zhao's confident smile only wavered when Hanbei raised an egebrow at him. "Well, kinda." 

"Shō, I bet you haven't the strength to lift me and Youka up combined," Hanbei teased. 

"I bet I do!" Zhao said, and he lifted Youka into the air and placed her on his shoulders, letting her hold onto his hair. Then he pulled Hanbei into his arms, lifting him off the bed. "See? If I'm strong enough to pick the two of you up, I can throw a cyclops across the horizon. Isn't that right, Youka?"

"Mhm!" Youka was interrupted when she yawned loudly. 

"Aw, somebody's tired, aren't they?" Zhao put Hanbei down and lifted Youka off his shoulders. "Let's go back to bed, okay?" 

"I wanna stay here." Youka leaned against Zhao's chest and closed her eyes. Zhao sighed. 

"I suppose you can stay here for the night. Get into bed, it's warmer." 

Hanbei helped lead Youka over to the pillows and tucked her underneath the warm blankets. Zhao brushed a piece of hair out of her face, then climbed into bed, Hanbei following suit. 

"Goodnight," he whispered, and he thought he heard Zhao and Youka whisper it too. 

For the three of them were together now, like they always would be. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope it wasn't too rushed skdbdns  
> anyways bye ✌️


End file.
